by Rex Clementine
England surrendered the urn in 2018 when Australia routed them 4-0 and since then they’ve huffed and puffed but never quite blown the house down. Twice they hosted five-match Ashes series, twice they scrapped to 2-2, and in between came another 4-0 hiding Down Under — a shellacking that ended the tenures of Ashley Giles, Chris Silverwood and Graham Thorpe.
This time, though, you felt England had packed all the right ammunition to storm the citadel. They were playing a brand of cricket that rattled cages from Lord’s to Lahore. A fearsome pace cartel, the kind you need to win in Australia; Joe Root, the world’s No.1 batter; Harry Brook, the world’s No.2 batter; and a lower order capable of throwing the kitchen sink with alarming effect. On paper, every box was ticked. Yet, as cricket so often reminds us, the devil is in the detail and England left a few stones unturned.
In sport, you occasionally encounter a force of nature — an Ian Botham or a Vivian Richards — whose sheer charisma tilts entire series. But mere bravado doesn’t win Test matches. Attention to detail does.Perth’s
Optus Stadium may lack the old WACA’s charm, windswept poetry, but it is a gleaming colossus — a 60,000-seat cathedral where the Fremantle Doctor whips across the turf, gifting fast bowlers the kind of carry they dream of. It is paradise for quicks. England brought five capable pacemen, yet their batters didn’t keep the game alive long enough for them to make an impact.
History had already whispered the warning. The last time Perth hosted a Test, India staged a comeback after being skittled for 150. They won by 300 runs mind you. The script here is well known: day one and the first half of day two are a minefield; only later does the pitch loosen its grip. Batters must knuckle down, leave well and bat time. England, instead, batted like they were chasing the lights on a T20 night.
At 65-1 with a lead of 105 and nine wickets in hand, they had one hand on the steering wheel — then promptly drove into a ditch. A flurry of extravagant drives handed Australia the momentum on a silver platter. The Aussies, as the cricketing world well knows, don’t need a second invitation to crash the party. It was sloppy stuff.
Then came the Travis Head masterclass. On a surface where every other batter looked like they were batting in a wind tunnel, Head strolled in as if this were a Sunday knock at the Junction Oval. Against Mark Wood and Jofra Archer, men who bowl thunderbolts, he simply bossed it.
With Usman Khawaja under the weather, someone had to open the batting. Head raised his hand. A good bloke, this Travis Head — he shielded Jake Weatherald from Archer’s first thunderbolt in the second innings with the debutant on a pair. Weatherald hadn’t had that luxury in the first dig, perishing for a second-ball duck.
Head, the man who broke 100,000 Indian hearts in Ahmedabad with that World Cup final epic, broke English hearts again. Tickets for day three were sold out with all 60,000 going well in advance. But there was no day three thanks to Travis Head. Cricket Australia’s refund policy means they will lose around 1 million Australian Dollars.
Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum could do nothing but tip their hats to the Australian maestro. His 69-ball hundred — now the second-fastest Ashes century — was the knockout punch.
Stokes and McCullum remain bullish, insisting England can still claw back the Ashes. But Bazball, that swashbuckling carnival of hitting, may need a rethink. It sparkles at home and dazzles in friendlier climes. But Australia is a different kettle of fish. Here, with boundary ropes pushed back beyond 80 metres, Bazball can quickly morph into Dumbball.
